That’s it. I’ve had it with this dump! We’ve got no food, we got no jobs,… our pets’ HEADS ARE FALLIN’ OFF!!!

I admit, my train of thought completely derailed while developing a title for this blog. Since I wrote most of it while approx. 30,000 feet in the air (9144 meters for our Canadian friends), leaving St. Louis and flying into Denver for my first field training position at the Fort Collins Brewery. As I approached the land of opposite of anything I’ve ever lived in (hot, humid, flat, city, east-coast, beach), I couldn’t help but continue to draw on my most extensive experience of “the West”, which mostly includes hours of playing Oregon Trail and watching “Dumb and Dumber” repeatedly.

If you haven’t seen this work of art, I advise immediate action. Here’s the theatrical trailer:

So naturally, I chose to theme this blog post on the latter (although a post about all the members of my trailblazing OT party dying of typhoid fever or having 90% of the meat I hunted become “spoilage” after insisting on shooting 15 buffalo would have been interesting). So I’ll be running through a few of the more memorable quotes from this critically acclaimed* Oscar winning* tale of two best friends on an epic tale of triumph and tribulation, and (loosely) relating them to my current status, with a few edits to make them more applicable. Here goes nothing

First, the quote from the title…

That’s it. I’ve had it with this dump (St. Louis)! We’ve got no food, we got no jobs,… our pets’ HEADS ARE FALLIN’ OFF!!!

So that’s not exactly the way it went. I loved St. Louis. The people were great, the city was new and interesting with a surprising amount of culture, but I think we were all ready to transition to a new city. I was definitely excited to move into the apartments ABI set us up with in Fort Collins, especially to take advantage of the kitchen and prepare some beer tasting dinners (reservations needed).

Quote #2:

I’ll tell ya where we’ll go. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I’m talkin’ bout a little place called… Fort Collins.

It’s not Aspen, but the city of Fort Collins is awesome. It’s a decent sized college town (Colorado State University) with scenery that looks like someone blew up a postcard and stuck it in the ground a few miles away, always.

And as far as beer flowing like wine, I have been practicing what I preach and created quite the beer pairing dinner over the weekend. Here’s one of the courses…

All about the presentation, Gorgonzola and grapes with Wild Blue

Quote #3:

Harry: I can’t feel my fi-fingers anymore, Lloyd. T-th-they’re numb!
Lloyd: Ooh. Maybe you should wear these extra gloves… my hands are starting to get sweaty.
Harry: Extra gloves? You’ve had…this pair…of extra gloves…this whole time??
Lloyd: Yeah! We’re in the Rockies.

Transitioning from furnace/sauna we call St. Louis in the summer to the cool mountain air of Fort Collins was a welcome change. The air is crisp and cool, chilly in the morning, but perfect and sunny during the day. From what I’m told, it’ll start to snow in the mountains within a few weeks. The only less than perfect weather produced this over the Denver airport, not a bad sign…

Quote #4:

Harry: Huh! I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver’s full of shit, man.

Contrary to unpopular belief, the Rocky Mountains are actually quite rocky. It’s also not a terrible thing to look at when the sun sets over them… True story, I missed my exit looking at this instead of paying attention to signs…

Quote #5:

Lloyd: WOW! Two lucky guys are gonna be driving around with those girls for the next couple of months!
Harry: Yeah, don’t worry we’ll catch our break too we just got to keep our eyes open.

Just being here for a couple days, I’m definitely the lucky guy. For instance, I’m currently working in the Logistics department, centered around Warehouse operations, so here’s my office…

I’m already in full swing, learning a lot every day about the functionality of the brewery, and really taking to it. I can’t wait to dive into the projects I’ll be working on. Keep checking in for next weeks post, in which I’ll be outlining the various ways in which I’ve single-handedly disrupted production (twice [truth]) and my adventures learning how to drive a forktruck, among other interesting topics. Don’t forget to subscribe for e-mail updates; check out the sweet button I spent half an hour figuring out how to add at the top right corner of the blog.

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5 Responses to That’s it. I’ve had it with this dump! We’ve got no food, we got no jobs,… our pets’ HEADS ARE FALLIN’ OFF!!!

  1. Matt Whit says:

    Big gulps huh? Welp, see ya later.

    • a. d. whittington, junior says:

      Your “office” looks just like Interstate Battery warehouse.
      Do you have to watch out for exploding beer cans?

      ND 31 Perdado 17, creo.

  2. Jack Rabun says:

    I hope this rant had nothing to do with inherited genes and can be attributed to a lack of oxygen. P.S. Beware of the vicious Pikes Peak Marmots!

  3. V. Wilmarth says:

    Will be visiting clients there this month – will definitely check out the AB brewery! (along with the other 6 in town!) Can’t wait for the crisp, cool air!! Great writing!

  4. Pingback: (Un)natural Art | Beer Me That Beer

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